Your mother may be narcissistic if she displays these signs. You might notice her lack of empathy and inability to accept criticism or admit fault from others. She may also be a narcissist if she is constantly looking for praise and attention from her family. She may also insist on perfection in all aspects of your life, criticize you, and manipulate you into doing what she wants.
Narcissistic mothers can make their children feel like they are constantly being judged, and that they don’t do enough to please them. To control their children, narcissistic mothers may use phrases such as “you’re too sensitive” and “I was just laughing” to make belittling comments or gaslight them. These manipulations create a fearful and anxious environment for their children, which makes it difficult for them to feel secure about themselves. These behaviors may indicate narcissism if you observe them in your mother.
47 examples of what narcissistic mothers tell their children
1. Continuously assess your actions and make corrections.
Narcissistic mothers will often criticize their children for doing the wrong thing, regardless of how trivial or small. These comments can be negative, undermining, and even hurtful. These comments could be critical of a child’s career, relationships, or talents. This is how the narcissistic mother can control her child and keep power in the family. These criticisms can cause emotional damage that lasts a lifetime to the child’s self-esteem.
- “You won’t amount to anything”
- “You should have done more”
- “I cannot believe how lazy you are!”
- “I don’t like the boyfriend you’re seeing.”
- “Even your friends use you”
2. Guilt-trip
As a way to control their children and manipulate them into doing what they want, narcissistic mothers may resort to guilt-tripping. Guilt-tripping can be used in many ways. It may include suggesting that the child is not grateful for the things she has done, using guilt to punish them for not meeting her expectations, and comparing her child with other people to make her feel inferior. Guilt-tripping can be a common tactic of narcissistic mothers to control and manipulate children. It can cause long-lasting emotional damage for both the mother and child.
- “I did so many things for you”
- “You owe”
- “It was all worth nothing”
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- “You are the reason my father and I separated.”
- “If your friend can do that, why shouldn’t you?”
- “Do you think that I do this all for nothing?”
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting refers to psychological manipulation where one person makes another question their beliefs, memories and perceptions. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that makes the victim question themselves. It involves constantly denying facts, shifting blame onto them or contradicting them. Gaslighting can lead to severe psychological distress and feelings of powerlessness and confusion. Gaslighting has the ultimate goal to harm victim’s mental health and make them feel better. Gaslighting should never be taken lightly. It can cause lasting damage to an individual’s self-confidence and trust.
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- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You are imagining things.”
- “You must be misunderstanding me.”
- “You can’t do everything right.”
- “You’re being too emotional/irrational/overreacting/blown out of proportion”
- “It all depends on your head.”
4. Sensitivity to lower levels
Narcissistic mothers can have a devastating effect on their children’s self confidence. These moms can make their children feel insecure, inadequate, and incompetent by constantly criticizing and invalidating them. This parenting style teaches children to seek approval and validation from others, even if they don’t get it from their mothers. Narcissistic mothers can make their children feel incapable of success, which could lead to a decrease in self-esteem and confidence.
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- “Why can’t your siblings be more like you?”
- “You won’t make it in your life.”
- “Your ideas are worthless.”
- “No one will ever care as much about you and your welfare as I do.”
- “I am the only one who understands your needs”
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5. Favorite things
Narcissistic mothers will often tell their child that they favor one child over the other. Sometimes they will tell their favored child that they are smarter, more gifted, or more special than their siblings. Narcissistic mothers may be cruel and malicious towards the less-favored children. They might take pleasure in tearing down their appearance or making them feel inferior. These toxic words can have a long-lasting effect on children and cause emotional damage.
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- “You are not as special as your brother/sister.”
- “There is nothing about you that stands out as much as there are with your brothers.”
- “You will never be able to measure up to your cousins’ standards”
- “I wish they were more like me.”
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- “You are not worth my time or energy.”
6. It’s her way or the highway
Narcissistic mothers tend to make demands on their children. To force their children to comply, they often resort to manipulation and guilt. These children often feel that they cannot do anything right and that it won’t be enough for their mother no matter how hard they try.
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- “There is only one correct answer and that is mine.”
- “Do what I say, not what I do.”
- “You know that I won’t be happy if things don’t go my way.”
- “If you continue arguing with me then this won’t end well.”
- “There is only one correct answer and that is mine.”
7. Creating drama
Narcissistic mothers often create drama and chaos in order to satisfy their needs. Sometimes they will make unreasonable demands of their children, and then get angry when the child fails to fulfill those requirements. These can lead to consequences-based discipline. The mother may alternate between blaming the child for not meeting her expectations and punishing them with manipulation, guilt-tripping, and emotional abuse. These tactics are used by narcissistic mothers to regain control when they feel powerless in other areas.
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- “My daughter won’t allow me to get to know my grandkids.”
- My son said to me that the new dress was terrible after I had bought it.
- “It’s almost like no one cares for me. Not even on my birthday. I didn’t receive a card!”
- “No one offered any assistance to my dog when he was sick or injured.”
- “Your brother didn’t care about your spouse very much.”
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8. All things are about them
A narcissist’s world is all about them. They see themselves as the center and only need to be satisfied. They also dismiss their children and believe that they would not exist without them. This can cause guilt in the child, making it difficult to feel heard or seen.
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- “All that matters is you.”
- “My life was wasted on you.”
- “If it wasn’t for you raising me, I wouldn’t have a career.”
- “You are nothing without me”
- “I have dedicated my life to your care, but I don’t get anything out of it.”
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9. Competing with their children
Mothers who are narcissistic often compete with their children. These mothers may feel the need to be superior or better than their children and view them as competitors who must be outperformed. They believe they have to be always one step ahead of their children and win every situation. This competitiveness can be detrimental to the relationship between parent and child, as well as the child’s self-esteem. It can make them feel inadequate and unworthy if their mother is not able to keep up.
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- “I was much younger when I began learning new languages”
- “Your hair is messy; did your father get it?”
- “My physique is better than yours!”
- “It seems like you were too busy getting dressed. “You don’t have an eye for fashion.”
- “You are so smart. It must be my genes.”
- “Your cooking skills are amazing. But, I believe you could benefit from some more tips and tricks from professionals.”
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It can be difficult to navigate a life with a narcissistic mom. It is important that you set boundaries and have your own support network. You can turn to therapists, self help books, online forums, or family members for support. They are also available as a listening ear. In the end, you should try to keep a healthy level of separation from the narcissist to protect your emotional health. This can make it easier to live with a narcissistic mom.